The End - Or rather the beginning?

Well, Mark and I had a fab 2008. We got preggers on R and R and he was home with four hours to spare for the birth of our son. To surmise the greatest lessons over the last two years . . .

God is my Rock. There is no substitute. If I start relying on any other being to be my center and my King I am in for a heartache and will not be any good as a wife and a mother.

God is the one in control of everything. He gives and He takes away and I can’t be so arrogant as to think that trouble will not come my way, His only begotten Son had to endure the cross, who did I think I was?

God will use what the world intended for evil for the good of those who love Him. The branch manager was angry with Mark for declining some orders so he sent him to a place he thought would destroy him and his family . . .Iraq. However, God used it to take our faith to places we didn’t imagine. Our relationship with Him is greater every day and we grow closer together all the time, as if I dreamed that was possible.

God does answer prayers . . .sometimes it takes a while for you to see the yes and sometimes the no was better for us in the long run . . .but He always answers!

Finally, children are a gift from God, just like it says in Psalms:
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Ps 127:3.

Ps 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward d from him.

Thank God that He doesn’t listen to us when we are saying stupid things like, I never want children because they are home wreckers . . . Adults wreck homes not these precious free willed smiling joy-filled presents from the Lord. Even when they say No for the first time and throw their first tantrum.

So, I’m sure my learning from this experience will continue for years to come but these are the biggest highlights. For some more you can read the rest of the blogs in this section. However, for my part I am moving on. I am getting a promotion to full time homemaker as of April 16th! So, the Lord is going to and has already started to use this new “career” to teach me even more things about Him. However, you will have to catch that in my new Blog . . .

Running after God and Kids
http://homemakingdani.blogspot.com/

Fighting PMS

(Princess/Prince Mentality Syndrome)

Permit me to set the stage, the alarm clock goes off and it is way too early! You smack the top of it hard enough to bruise and find yourself hoping your hand actually went through it, knowing it would just have to be replaced and that would make you more angry, you’re happy to find you hand just stings. The first cognoscente thought to fly across your mind is
“Why me, God?” You drag your nearly lifeless body out of bed and make your way to the lou, when you would rather turn around and throw the covers over your head. You turn the shower on and cold water hits your body for 2 seconds before the warm hits and you nearly scream into the yet silent house.
“God, really, I’m up, can’t this be any easier?” You get to work and after you have fought for parking, spilt coffee onto your shirt, tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and collapsed into the chair at your desk, you are convinced that no one could possibly have it worse than you. You start to make a list of everything that is wrong in your life and by 0845 you are pretty sure that if the world knew what you were going through they would pay you to sleep in and stay home, just like Elton John. There is an example of someone who could not give two hoots about Jesus and he has life so good, why do I struggle? You think,
“God, why do I have to be apart from my spouse? I know loads of people that hate their spouse, they would love the vacation! But mine, whom I love and adore, You send away?” By noon, you are sure that God has been confused about what was in your best interest, because He has promised to give you a hope and a future, not break your heart, right? You get in the car to go home, which is this empty lifeless, but for the dog, building, wrapped in memories of your spouse, he is on the couch, the bed, in the kitchen or upstairs. You go to the kitchen and you are sure that he would be cooking dinner just now in some parallel existence, because you still are too pregnant sick to cook. You cry out to the Lord and say,
“God, this is too hard, I am all alone, why has this happened and why does it still happen?” This is a demonstration of what I refer to as the Princess Mentality Syndrome(PMS), if you are male, it would be prince, but the idea is the same. You can’t see past your own troubles to realize that others have it loads worse, or even look to see what the Lord is doing in your life with all the circumstances in it, good or bad.(Romans 8:28)
It is then out of the darkened haze that has become your PMSing heart, a voice says,
“Pray and be with Me.” My voice came in the form of my Pastor’s wife and she said,
“Dani, read and study Philippians 3. That should help you.” I thought sure, I’ll read it why not. Once PMS sets in, I really just want my husband, nothing else will do but I’ll humor her. It is so funny to think that PMS is a symptom of the heart, a heart that really needs God to get in there and clean it out, to once again be made number one, but I always just want my spouse. This cycle has been happening since my husband left but thankfully, God has placed people in my life to tell me where I should really be going.
So when I studied Philippians 3, what did I learn? First, I like to learn the context in which a book of the bible was written. It gives me a better idea of the situation that the disciple or prophet was coming from. In the case of Philippians. Paul was in prison in Rome awaiting a sentence that would most probably be death. Nero was the emperor during Paul’s imprisonment for Christ(Phil 1:13). A brief history lesson, Nero blamed the Christians for the burning of a section of Rome(a section he conveniently wanted to clear for his own purposes) and subsequently began years of persecution. He used to burn their bodies to light the circus races. # Since the entire palace guard knew that he was a Christian,(Phil 1:13) the chances of him getting a “fair” trial was slim to none. Yet, he rejoiced!
So, what is Philippians about? What does Paul advise those who love Jesus to do. Rejoice in all things . . .
“Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.”(Phil 1:18-19)
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”(Phil 4:4) Here from prison, awaiting death, he says to rejoice in the Lord. Philippians is only four chapters long, very short. In the whole book, Paul mentions rejoicing six times!
What is my problem? I’m making my husband’s and I’s first baby, I am awaiting his joyful homecoming, God has given me a family and love on this earth and I’m complaining . . .I have no excuse, Paul was a human sold out for Christ, so much so that he was beheaded for being Christian.#(Little Christ is what that word meant originally and was meant as an insult) I was shocked to realize that one of the most prolific writers of the New Testament, was so very persecuted! I had not considered how much,
“been in prison more frequently, w been flogged more severely, x and been exposed to death again and again. y
2Co 11:24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes z minus one.
2Co 11:25 Three times I was beaten with rods, a once I was stoned, b three times I was shipwrecked, c I spent a night and a day in the open sea,
2Co 11:26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, d in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, e in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. f “#
So, I thought to myself, if a great disciple had problems, why did PMS come out of me at all? Should I not expect troubles if I am walking with the Lord? Jesus said,
Jn 15:18 “If the world hates you, t keep in mind that it hated me first.
Jn 15:19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you u out of the world. That is why the world hates you. v #
So I should rejoice!!! Because it is so hard, because sometimes I feel like nothing is going right, even God’s own Son had troubles, He was persecuted and crucified! He came in love, He came to save us from Hell, a fate worse than death! He came to bring us unto Himself and the world killed Him for it! He knew the most horrible pain to save me! Thankfully, He ascended to heaven to be our great intercessor and will come back to get those who believe in Him and His gift to us!(Romans 10:9) Because I am His the world will hate me and I am so thankful for that! The more they hate me, the more I love the Lord, the more I should be rejoicing because I am really free!
I have to stop the PMS, I have to stop focusing on myself and my problems, I must look at the bigger picture, chase after Jesus and wait until I get my hubby back! I must count my blessings and realize that it could be so much worse in a world filled with hate, rage, anger, hunger, murder and every other ugly thing! Someday, Jesus is coming back to clean house, these ugly things will be taken away, in the mean time, I’m to focus on Him, rejoice in Him, be thankful that He opened my eyes to His truth and thank Him for the sweet beauties that He fills my life with!

# NIV Archaeological Study Bible 2005,pg 1931 Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
# http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_of_Tarsus#Arrest_and_death
# The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:2Co 11:23.
# The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Jn 15:18.

Freedom WITH responsibility not from it.

Many Christians think just like this:
“I am an adult and responsible for my own life. What I do and how I act has no bearing on others and their walk with the Lord so they should stop looking to me for an example.” Or there is this one,
“The liberty in Jesus means I can do what I want and everyone just needs to watch out for their own. If I want to do this and that, I can and if they can’t, well, then don’t!” Our hearts have become so selfish and hard towards our brothers and sisters in Christ, not only them, but the unbelieving world. Like Cain, we say, “Am I my brother’s keeper?“ (Gen 4:9) Unbelievers look at us and they see no difference; divorce, alcoholism, drug addicts, sex addicts, active homosexuals and active single heterosexuals. These people are not struggling to fight the vice, they walk in it joyfully saying,
“Jesus set me free to sin, I’ll be fine!” These Christians(and I used to be one of them) grab onto verses like,
“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.“(1Corinthians10:23) And this is where most Christians stop, never reading on through to verse 33. If we did, the whole Christian community would look so different that many in the world would run after Jesus. They would learn that we are supposed to consider one another in all things and if something we are doing affects the conscience of a person in our presence, we are to not do it. In other words, if I think that drinking a wine cooler on a Saturday in my back yard pool is fine, than it is fine. However, if one of my younger Christian friends feels it could destroy me or that it is wrong, I will have a pool party just for me the following Saturday and keep the wine cooler in the fridge. I am to do all in my power not to stumble a brother or sister in Christ.
Grant it, there are many Christians who fight the good fight with God’s help against their own flesh but this is the silent minority. Mostly, the unbelieving world sees the rest and says,
“Why should I believe in Jesus, I’ll be the same, not full, not at peace, not content, not calm or joyful and I‘m sick of chasing things to make my heart feel better!” The loud majority are making Jesus look like a liar! Jesus told the truth when He said,
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 Also the verse Romans 15:13 says it beautifully,
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with the hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
These Freedom from responsibility Christians asked Him to take over their life one day and have spent the rest of their days chasing things of this world and living in selfish inconsideration of their brothers and sisters in Christ and unbelievers. In buying into the world’s lie of what is good for another might not be so for a different person, what I love to call “Moral Ambiguity,“ they have stumbled brothers and sisters in Christ, something we have been told not to do,
“Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense.” What does this mean? If you are doing something that your conscience bothers you about or a brother’s or sister’s conscience bothers them about stop. Especially while they are around.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the Church of God” 1 Corinthians 10:31-32. Jon Courson wrote commentaries on the WHOLE bible and I use them in my studies, he points out that Paul gave us a guideline in three questions from this verse. Anything you are about to do as you strive to walk with Jesus should be filtered through these three questions,
1) Can I thank the Lord in it?
2) Will God be glorified through it?
3) Will someone be tripped up by it?

If you can’t remember those three questions, I think the question from the book, In His Steps by Charles Sheldon, fabulously wrapped them into one question, “What would Jesus do?” This will answer all three and if Christians seriously asked themselves this question we would turn the world upside down!! We would have our liberty in Christ and it would be right, Freedom with Responsibility!
Having once thought in this fashion, I lived for three years in the idea that I was free from responsibility, I hate to think how many unbelievers I turned away from the Lord. I hate to think how many sisters and brothers in Christ I stumbled and for that I am so sorry. God has used this past year and 8 month separation from my soul to teach me, that He gave me freedom from my sin, not from responsibility. He saved me from this lie! The fullness and peace I have in Him now I cannot describe. I love being with Him and fellowshipping with Him and my brothers and sisters in Christ! He has filled the Jesus-shaped hole in my heart and I am content. He promises that He will do just that in Daniel 11:35,
“Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.” God plucked my selfish walk from me and because He is so good and loving He took the extreme measures necessary to get it done. Thank God that He opened my eyes to His truth and gave me the courage to say yes and follow Him! Christians will stumble and the world uses that at every chance to point out the lie that is Jesus to use it as an excuse to stay lost. To those of us striving to stay upright, remember that Jesus gave us this gift of salvation and freedom and when we fall, He is the one there to pick us up and dust us off, just like a great big dandy daddy does when his toddler topples. Daddy knows his baby is going to fall, but he walks with him, waiting to pick him up, what a beautiful picture of Jesus with us! I love the story of the Pharisees who came to the disciples and asked them why Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners? Jesus hearing them replied,
“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:11-13 What an amazing truth? We have no mercy for ourselves when we stumble, the world will crucify us if they catch the fall but the only perfect being to walk the face of the planet, God in man, His only begotten Son, came to save the stumbling, bumbling sinners who are willing to run to His arms! It boggles my mind and I just fall more in love with Him every day!
So if we started living in the freedom of Christ with Responsibility what would happen? I think we would turn the world upside down, they would see these masses claiming to be in love with Jesus who looked so different for the most part. Sure, they would see the trips, but they would see the mercy that we used in response to one another and to them as unbelievers. It is not about the stumbling as a Christian, if you stumble or you stumble someone else, go to
God for help in getting up, help your brother and sister in Christ by apologizing and dusting them off. How amazing would that be? My mom used to say to me,
“Dani, life is going to knock you down, you’ll get bruised and hurt, but it isn’t about the wounds and falling, it is about getting up!” And so it is in our walk with the Lord, do not revel in the falling, do not stay on the ground, rejoice when you run to the Lord for help in getting up!

Even So, Come Lord Jesus Quickly come! Part 3

So I thought about how my husband and I use present day communication, our relationship is a wonderful and loving one but is forced to be different due to our separation. So we communicate through letters and email. Just like now with Jesus we communicate with Him through prayer. He is still alive and we are together, just like Mark and I are still alive and together, but out of necessity we relate differently than those three years together. I can’t see Mark but I know he is real and alive and I love him so much. Just like I can’t see Jesus, but I know He is alive and real and with me! Jesus has the benefit of being God so He can be with me in ways Mark cannot now. In fact, He has promised it as He was leaving us physically, He gave us directions and then promised He was not going to leave us,
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Mt 28:18.

Mt 28:18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Mt 28:19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
Mt 28:20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

It is funny, when my husband left he gave me all of his authority on earth in a power of attorney. He told me to take care of things and he would be back. Through letters, email and my memory he is always with me, what a great symbol of my Savior! As Christians we have such a hope and a future! Did you know that the next big thing to happen on God’s time table is the rapture of His children? Did you know that all other prophecy has been fulfilled? We are now just waiting abated breath for the return of our bride-groom!!! That is it! Pretty soon we are going to be out of here! So like the next big thing on my earthly time table is the return of my groom that is the next big thing in my walk with the Lord. Now I will keep growing in Him and life is never dull with my adventure guide the Lord! However, the next prophecy to be fulfilled is Jesus coming to get us!!! Isn’t that exciting? It means that I desperately try to stay unexcited about earthly things, all these will pass away, He is forever and He is good and He is coming back! It was this realization that made my excitement for the Lord’s return even more real and alive! As excited as I am about Mark how much more excited should I be for my Savior and the Lover of my Soul!!!
Jesus fulfilled 300 prophecies in coming and the prophecies that were given to us as signs of His return have all been fulfilled, except for the actual collection of us! So now I wait abated breath for both of Mark and Jesus!

Check out http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/m_prophecies.shtml for more information about Jesus’ fulfilled prophecies!

Even So, Come Lord Jesus Quickly come! Part 1

I was smack in the middle of worshipping the Lord, when I say smack in the middle I mean it. There I was mid verse of one of my favorite songs when suddenly it hit me. What hit me is called different things by different people, some say revelation, some would say perspective, others would say I had for a second “God-vision.” This is where you see life and all its situations through His eyes and suddenly it either A) all makes sense, or B) you know why it is all happening. This event could be all of those things but my word for it is present, it was a present from the Lord. I had just been thinking,
“Oh, Lord, I want to go into the full time ministry, I want to minister to people, I want to teach those women younger than me about you. Like it says in Titus 2:3-4;

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

“I want, Lord, to share with them all you have shared with me! There are so many spouses left behind, Lord, and they need you to carry them like you have carried me! I want a cool picture to show them, just like this woman teacher just showed us!” I continued singing wondering what would be my story. Would I have just one or would their be multiples? The more I learned from these older women the more I realized that there is generally more than one adventure so that our myriad of adventures could be used to minister to multitudes of people walking a similar walk. You know when you are telling someone your trouble and they say,

“Oh, I have been there, it was so hard, I bet it is huge for you!” There is something in me that lightens! What? A sister who has walked a similar road! Then the sister in Christ begins to regale me with stories of how the Lord walked/carried her through it! We have our trials for a myriad of reasons, but to comfort a sister, what a privilege, what a joy! That was when it happened.
“You waited for Mark the first time, not knowing when you would get to marry him and live with him, for years!” I did, in fact it was four years that I waited, abated breath for my bridegroom to come to me. We were both in the military and did not want to marry after only a month long beautiful courtship so we prayed that God would keep our hearts together and bring us physically together some day and we prayed that for the next four years! When in the miraculous way God works Mark got orders to be at the same base I was. Mark wasted no time proposing and we were married! For the first time as I relived these memories the 10 Virgins parable made so much sense to me!

The Parable of the Ten Virgins
Mt 25:1 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps fand went out to meet the bridegroom.
Mt 25:2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise.
Mt 25:3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.
Mt 25:4 The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.
Mt 25:5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
Mt 25:6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’
Mt 25:7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps.
Mt 25:8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’
Mt 25:9 “ ‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’
Mt 25:10 “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
Mt 25:11 “Later the others also came. ‘Sir! Sir!’ they said. ‘Open the door for us!’
Mt 25:12 “But he replied, ‘I tell you the truth, I don’t know you.’
Mt 25:13 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Mt 25:1.

Please see Chuck Smith's commentary on this parable at: http://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/chuck_smith_c2000/Mat/Mat025.html

I thought what if during those four years I had not run to the Lord for more oil. When I said,
“God, I know that for me you have Mark, he is my one, or it is no one? It is either Mark or I am to walk this walk alone. Is it no one, Lord, we have been waiting many years?” God would say, “Wait.” He is a God of no wasted words that is for sure. So I waited, like the virgins with the lamps I started “saving” money, which to my young self meant not being in debt. I found a nice rental house ostensibly to get a dog, I had no idea that I was preparing for my groom! I got a wee car built for two, okay maybe three and if it was the right four people four, but that is it! Then by a miracle the day came, I got a phone call. It was a rare gift because on the other end of the line was the voice that I loved to hear any time it sounded. Due to Mark being deployed a lot phone calls seldom occurred;
“Danita?”
“Hello, yes!”
“This is Mark, I’ve been trying to reach you for days!”
“Oh, sorry, I’ve been out and about with the baby bro, what’s up?”
“I’ve got orders, I’m coming to you!” The world ceased to spin, my heart beat but it seemed to do it miles away and all I could hear was my breath going in and out. Stars seemed to collide in that moment and I said,
“Really!” And that was all I got out before the tear ducts burst forth their bounty and I became what I like to call blubbering.

The groom was coming, it was time to fill the oil, but what if I had not been prepared. What if I had given up and settled for less, settled for a lie, someone less! What if I had run out of oil!!!! I would never have had the joy of that moment! It is like those who decide that they aren’t going to believe in Jesus unless He walks up to them in bodily form and says, “Hiya, I’m the Messiah.” The Pharisees and the Sadducees said that and they never believed because they were not prepared to see Him the way He actually came. They knew that He was coming, He had been prophesied, they even knew the year, but they missed Him because they picked something less, they wanted power and saving from Rome, they weren’t thinking about their soul and the pit of Hell! So they picked someone else, they picked Barabbas, a murderer and zealot. They had trimmed their wick(their actions, they looked holy) but they had no oil(their hearts chased another). I said,
“God, thank you so much for showing me all this! How amazing, what a beautiful picture.” My Lord Jesus was being made even more real to me through my husband. Not only in the beauty of our marriage, in the freedom and grace, in how Mark loves me so unconditionally and supports me so freely in all my dreams. No, the Lord planned to use Mark to show me even more of Himself and to draw me into an even deeper love relationship with Jesus! How amazing!

Makin' it one more day. . .

When Mark and I first separated I could only think of one thing, how fast can April 09 actually get here? This question was a heart wrenching one considering that I was asking it from January 07. This thought was literally drowning me. I was sure that I was never going to make it. I found myself contemplating how to put me in a coma for exactly that long, just wake up and there is Mark. Okay, coma was out of the question but what about just sleeping all the time, what I have a career I have to keep up with? It became desperate and at one point I thought,

“Well, this is it. No way out, no way through but to walk it and I can’t so I’m going to pray for death.” It was then that it dawned on me, more likely, the Lord opened my blind eyes and said,

“Hey, instead of focusing on the end, how about today? Or better yet, how about Me?” It was as if someone had turned on the light when you aren’t awake yet and all the light comes blazing in your eyes, while you are uncomfortable, you are awake! It was an uncomfortable thought, Dani was going to depend on someone else to keep her going and more importantly take care of her heart(which happened to be beating in Iraq)? My flesh was awake and uncomfortable, I didn’t want to relinquish what I perceived as control. I had always been a worrier and a control freak. I would have everything in my life just the way I want it and any other way is out of the question. Funny enough, Mark had always challenged that, not intentionally, just by being the man I fell head over heels for. In order to love Mark right I had to love him freely(how God loves us). God would not have us to be robots so He has always given us choices and allowed us to make them, loving us unconditionally through it all, from the garden to present day. How many times do we continually pick something else, something less, and He just keeps loving us, even sent His Son to save us! Hosea 3:1 is a good picture:
“The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.” What is it with food, always picking that over the Lord? But I digress. . .
So what did I learn this first bright light experience, first epiphany as it were?
1) We are supposed to focus on today and today alone. God takes care of all the rest.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matt 6:33-34
2) Also during the hard times, if we are going to gain strength from Him we have to abide in Him. John 15:5 at its finest:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” *An important note, if we abide in Him all the time, I don’t think hard times would come as such a shock, but I’ll let you know after I have been abiding for awhile and the new hard times come. I am not superwoman, I am fragile as glass and many times have been convinced I was going to shatter into a million pieces but the Lord steps in and puts me together and helps me on my way. It is true when we are weak He is strong and praise the Lord for that!
Yes, it was the epiphany I needed to really get a jump start on this time of growing in my relationship with the Lord. What the world intended for evil the Lord was going to use for good in our lives.

Both Changing in the same hell, it just looks different!

First, I just want to say that my husband tells me regularly that his looks are changing. I got this picture of him just today and I think he is even more gorgeous than last I saw him. I'm giving the Army no credit for it.(Maybe it is the mudbath) He is so handsome and my hero! He loves me so well even though he is in Iraq!

I have come to realize through Mark and I's discussions that the deployed and the left behind go through similar emotions and pain, it just looks different because of where they are living. Interestingly, they both feel worlds apart. I remember Mark and I's first phone conversation after he arrived. I was like, "Wow, what do you say to someone who is in hell!" "Hi, honey, how are you? Oh, I'm lovely, I had tea this afternoon with my crumpet and then went out for an afternoon stroll! What about you? Oh, you were saving the world and protecting my country and my stroll, golly!" Bat eyes and put hand over my mouth, I felt just that silly. However, he wanted to hear it all, he wanted to hear about my life because he felt just as I did, that we were missing so much of each other! We were married but a scant three years when our souls were ripped in two, so the realization that again we would be apart, change apart and then be together again was a bit overwhelming. The fact is that we all always change. The greatest way to strangle another is by simply not giving them the freedom to become!

As Christian spouses we will change for the better as long as we are chasing hard after God. Now that doesn't mean that it is easier for us. It also doesn't mean that we are going to feel so good in our hearts when it is going on, in fact, we will probably feel wretched and want the world to stop spinning or at least our own. It is this difficult process that can scare the seperated spouses to death. Not to mention seldom does our heart feel like the change that God asks of us. It is important to realize that as seperated souls, both are scared, both are hurt, both are lonely and both do not want to be there(where ever there is). For as different as the physical hells(One Iraq - the other Left behind), the emotional hell is the same, a soul torn in two.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:6

It is at this time that the spouses must give one another loads of grace and reassure one another regularly. It doesn't matter the change that comes over the other, how wretched their heart may be feeling, how numb their mind might be, because you will always love them! It is in this time we have to abide in the Word even more and cling to the verse:

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:3-6

In sum, embrace God, embrace each other and the change that comes with life, walk hand in hand toward the Lord and there will be storms, it will be painful, but then there is all the joy!

War and Marriage

My husband and I have lived apart now for 1 year 1 months and 18 days, not that I am counting. The Army decided that they needed him more than I, while we differ on this point I do not really tell them about my disagreement. I was feeling really alone because I am living in a place where I know of no one else going through this. How does the left behind spouse generally feel? Why does God not bring him home even though I beg and plead and cry and scream!?

I realized that God is trying to build within me perserverance, but it hadn't been a trait I was concerned with developing. To be honest, I didn't know He cared so much about it until I started walking this walk and WHAM! perserverance, next stop on this train of life! God wants us to be strong in Him, unwavering, long suffering and faithful. I believe that where He wants us is Revelation 13:10
If anyone is to go into captivity, into captivity he will go. If anyone is to be killed with the sword, with the sword he will be killed. This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints.
This tells me that God has a plan and while it is good for me according to Him, Romans 8:28, that doesn't mean that by my human standard it is going to look good. So I shall ride this boat and be thankful that through the internet the Lord has connected me with spouses riding this same ride. He didn't just ask this of me, but of thousands and is carrying all of us that let Him and believe that He will.

I also found something to be thankful for in this seperation and that is the release from taking my wonderful husband for granted. Mark is a joy and is a husband I could sing about for years to come, his sensitivity, kindness, love and unending optimism, even when it looks like there is nothing to hope for. He takes to heart Phil 4:8:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

I have learned to dwell on that as well, waiting for a 15 month deployment to end means I have to force my mind to dwell on what is right in order to survive. However, we have to dwell on beautiful things even inside of our marriages once the deployments are over. We have to focus on the beautiful things about our spouses and hope they return the favor as we have our own "quirks." It seems that couples I see who do not have to endure seperation take each other for granted and dwell on those things they hate about their spouse. Even to the point they will talk about them to others, behind their husband's back! They will point out every flaw and completely forget Phil 4:8.

I believe that Deployment can not only help us to be long suffering with the Lord, to learn to accept His will and delight in it, but can also teach us how to be in our marriages. Knuckle down, roll up our sleeves and delight in our spouses, as we delight in the Lord. Suddenly those things that hurt us about life and the things that they do that annoy us will fade in the background covered by love and joy in the Lord!

Joy Comes in the Morning

I've had several struggles in this past week that have brought to light for me that the darkest hours really do come just before the dawn!
First, sadly, and I really do mean this, I'm not perfect. I should walk in perfect joy before the Lord, or rather with the Lord. However, there come days when this does not happen. When the first thought in the morning is not, "This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it!" rather it is more like, "What, I woke up again and this nightmare called life is still going on, AHHHHHHHHH!" Thankfully, these days only come about every 21 beautiful and dandy days! However, when they come they are dark and dreary and I am a shadow of myself. In fact, you wouldn't want to be around me. You ask, how can I be so sure? Perhaps, you like a challenge and you think that you would be able to conquer the ugliness that wells up! Well, I don't want to be around me, and I'm an easy going fun loving, love every body type of person, so I know that no one should have to be around me. In fact, I've decided that when Mark and I are under the same roof again, whenever that is, I'm going to move into the attic on these days! That way he can carry on about his day being joyful in the Lord and I can go and eat lots of chocolate and keep my darkness to myself!!
Secondly, God is working a miracle in my heart. I'm amazed how some people are so conscious of Mark's absence from my life and how that must be affecting me. They pray for me and love me. They lay their troubles to the side for a moment and ask me, how are you? How is Mark? And then there are others who pretend it isn't happening, that my husband is in my same house, that life goes on as if nothing were screwed up. At first, this made me angry, the rage I felt towards the "apparent" selfishness of these people was more than I could bear. I decided I was going to not speak to them ever again, that since they obviously didn't care I wasn't going to care for them. Again, thankfully, God stepped in and took that silliness away. He showed me that maybe people didn't bring it up because they didn't know how it would affect me. Would I fall apart? They might not know the Lord was carrying me!!! So I thought I would annotate here how to treat someone whose spouse is deployed for the next century, I mean year.
1) Ask how the spouse is? This is probably the most important thing, do not try to gloss over their absence. The spouse left behind feels their absence constantly, so asking acknowledges that you too are aware of the absence and makes the spouse feel real(hard to explain but sometimes it can feel like a dream someone forgot to wake you up from).
2)Ask them how they are and if you can help. This gives them an opportunity to either A) glorify the Lord(if they are Christian) and talk about how He is carrying them. This is important because it reminds them of that truth and lets them hear it as they say it!(even if you believe it to be bunk) B) It gives them the opportunity to cry on your shoulder if they happen to be on day 22 and not 1 - 21.
3) Don't shield them from topics. If your spouse is away for two weeks and you miss them, say it. They can commiserate with you and wish a speedy return. If you had a great date with your other half, tell them, then they get to share a great date story with you and helps them remember vividly a dandy moment they had with their spouse.
4) Don't imagine them a hair's breath away from insanity or depression. Day 22 is rough, but all the other day's are dandy fine and they are probably doing fine(if they are walking with the Lord; trod delicately on this one if not).
5) Just love them like business is usual, don't be standoffish or scared, they are the same person, just half and most likely wanting everything else in life to be normal with them. The abnormality of the absent spouse is enough for them, they don't need more weirdness.
6) If you or a family member have been to Iraq(or whatever country the spouse is deployed to) it is okay to tell stories from there. I actually had a hilarious but sad experience where one started telling me the story of their brother and said, "Yeah, he went and had to come back early because his foot was injured with an IED(explosive device the other side likes to use)." Somewhere in the back ground I heard a record player skip and the chap looked at me chagrinned and said, "That prolly wouldn't happen now that was in the beginning." I smiled and said, "I'm sorry that happened to your brother, have they been able to repair his foot?" He smiled, appreciative of my ability to cope with the fact that injuries happen in war zones and said, "Yep, he is going to be 100%." I told him that I was happy for him and his brother and to not be uncomfortable to tell me stories.

I don't know if you know any one else in my situation. There are thousands left behind in Fort Bragg and all over the US and so chances are good that you do, so I hope this helps. I am not alone in this and knowing that also helps me keep a good perspective of the situation.
Thank you everyone for your love, prayers and support. I can't tell you how much they mean to Mark and myself. And those of you who have been uncomfortable, I apologize to you for initially thinking the worst and I'm thankful that the Lord gave me His perspective!

I get a little stronger, thank the Lord!

This morning I woke to torrential rain and driving wind. My curtians blew in the wind even though my windows were shut tight. My wounded Chilli lie next to me for which I was thankful as it was cold as ice! The alarm was screaming in my ear and all I could think was wouldn't it be nice if today were Saturday. Sadly, knowing it was only Thursday I rose from the rack very reluctantly. As I was getting ready I could not get a conflict at work that happened yesterday out of my head and kept mulling it over and wondering if I handled it alright. I found myself stuck on that train of thought and finally started praying over it, that God would give me wisdom in all situations and keep me from being petty or "fleshy" as I like to call it. After I broke free from the what ifs of yesterday I found myself thinking about Chilli, although my hubby is fine with me getting a blue staffie boy when she passes on it doesn't make me less apprehensive about her death, just less lonely when thinking of it. There will never be another Chilli! My mind wondered on and I realized that my heart was ultimately hurting and raw because of the absence of my best friend. It is funny, all these other things were mere distractions for the real cause of my hurt, my Marklessness. I have to give praise to the Lord though because we get to talk so much and it is only God that sorted that out. I am so thankful and I have grown so much and changed so much as a result of the experience. God has walked me through fire so I tend to be very calm. I remembered 2006 when I was panicing about something and had sunk to the depths of depression I found a verse that described me to a T:
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Jas 1:6.
But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
I was the doubter, I had seen God work in a million ways in my life, my relationship had been so strong with Him before I got on the Shift schedule, so I knew what He could and would do for us, yet any mishap that cropped up and I was reeling. My husband was amazing and so inspiring as I watched him always be constant always be strong. He took his PCS quietly and always had something good to say about it. I on the other hand thought,
"Why is God doing this to us? Hadn't we spent enough time apart?" It wasn't until after Mark was gone that God started showing me all He planned. Like Romans 8:28:
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Ro 8:28.
And we know that in all things God works for the good jof those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
So what about now, I found myself thinking this morning. Chilli was diagnosed with cancer, did I go crazy and into depression, nope I go to the Lord in prayer. Work has its hiccups, did I rage on and on when I got home, unable to think, nope I poured my heart out before the Lord and did those things I had committed to doing in the evening after work. I thanked the Lord as I walked out the door to my car, I was going to be such a better wife, daughter, sister and friend! I had already been, many people in my life now do not know the fleshy Dani, the real one that she is without the love and Holy Spirit changing her and making her better. They don't believe me when I tell them how I was and I sadly say,
"Ask Mark when he comes for a visit, he'll tell you in what a sad state I was in." I smiled as I started the car, God had brought me so far. I started backing out of the drive way and my car felt really funny, like it didn't want to move or as if I had left the emergency break on. I stopped the car and put the emergency break on, thinking I would check the tires. What should I see but my tire, flat as a pancake, what? Oh, dandy, I'll call work and figure out what else from there. Interesting, isn't it? The old Dani would have thrown a pity party about all the trials that can befall one little dandy Dani, but did I? Nope, I prayed the Lord would help me figure it out and even when I got out the manual to figure out the spare and it didn't go with my car did I get upset? Nope, I laughed out loud and called AA, they came to save the day! God is so good and life is too!